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Der Gothmann: The Humanoid Boogie

It's full of Humanoid Rock'n'Roll.

Tag Archives: God

So, be honest.

Who is at all surprised that the rapture didn’t happen?  Come on people, the first one to own up gets prescribed a coconut to head-butt until the onset of brain-death.

Oh boy, I do love winding up those zealots.

So what actually happened as a result of yesterday, and what can you do to deal with it?

1: Nothing exceptionally interesting occurred:

I know that where I live, the weather was a little indecisive.  ‘Will it keep raining, is the sun going to hang about?’ We all asked of our rapturous lord and saviour, but we never got anything but mixed signals.  It was rather windy all day, so perhaps we can interpret that as being a sign that Jesus was feeling a trifle uncomfortable?

I ate too much dairy.  My recent bout of stress-related IBS and associated functional bowel issues are remarkably irked by the over-consumption of milk products and non-soluble fibres.  It is, perhaps ironic, therefore, that today, I too am more than a trifle uncomfortable, and expect to remain windy all day.  Is this a sign from God?  Does it automatically equate me with Jesus himself?

My partner and I began watching ‘Eastwick‘.  It is rather enjoyable.  It does, however, clearly depict witchcraft being used in morally questionable scenarios, and obviously alludes to the presence of Lucifer hi’self.  Is that an omen?  Does this rather equate me with the Antichrist?

Most of all, I was not aware of anyone being summoned to heaven by the Lord.  Perhaps it’s because most of the Christians I know are Baptists or Church of England?  I don’t know, maybe it’s just because I wasn’t paying attention, but still, you would have thought that some bugger would have made it obvious to me if it was really happening.

2: What you can do to get through the embarrassment of not having a rapture when you expected one:

1.)  Claim that all of the miniature earthquakes and so-forth that have been occurring recently are, in-fact, a further warning (and the last one we’ll get, oh yes…) from God that he is unimpressed with the number of people who will be saved and he needs you all to send more money, pronto, to prove how very, very faithful you are.

2.)  Claim that the incredible zeal of the prayers sent by Harold Camping‘s bunch to postpone Judgement were not only heard, but granted – therefore proving that they are the only true faithful.

3.)  Claim that even God wants to see the photos of Osama Bin Laden‘s body

4.)  Claim that God is waiting for George Lucas to make up for his last 3 Star Wars films.

5.)  Claim that the Rapture is postponed until next week, so God can find out who is the next American Idol

6.)  Claim that the bottom of your Rapture ticket clearly states:  “Card Subject to Change

7.)  Claim that it did happen, and the only person found worthy was Randy “The Macho Man” Savage

8.)  Claim that the Heaven is in foreclosure

9.)  Claim that the God was not allowed to come to Earth without first showing his complete Birth Certificate or other proof of his existence, and when he gave them a Bible, those nasty militant baby-eating Atheists said that it was all just fairy-stories.

10)  Claim that Fred Phelps has not yet finished spreading God’s Will yet.  Once that is done, then everyone can have their blasted Rapture.

Alternatively, you can just do what this person did and claim that the Rapture will still happen and all this fuss was all a trick that Satan dun:
I mean, for goodness sake!
I need to go and have a lay-down now, on account of the stupid burning my head, and the lactose burning my bowels.
Fare thee well my little lambs.
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EDIT:
I do apologise for the absurd lack of formatting applied to this document.  No matter what I try, WordPress is intent on fucking it up every time I attempt to change and re-publish it.
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So, there I was, digging up some research on the biological, evolutionary origins of human creativity for my dissertation, and yet, another misdirecting link on Google led me away to yet, another “creation science” site.

Click on the image to enlarge it if necessary.

“Blergh!” Say I. “Blergh!”

Who are these imbeciles?  Why are people like this, allowed by the general populace to run free, and without the threat of extinction from a fitter class of human being?

Now, I will admit that Darwinism has a couple of grey areas that we have not yet discovered the answer to, but these people’s hypotheses are made of huge, ragged holes!

It seems that their method for arriving at an hypothesis involves announcing to the team: “Here is the conclusion we want, what scientific discoveries can we hammer together to prop it up?”

The dinosaurs were created by God at the same time as all the other beasts?  There is not a single shred of vaguely palatable proof that this is even a possibility!  Oh, and what is all this utter tripe about the eye being too complex to have evolved of its own accord?

Ahem:

I chose this video specifically, because it is fairly simple for certain individuals to understand.

Anyway, if you are going to use that tack, why do we have an appendix, I ask you?

Now, I am aware that many people hold up some form of religious ideal or other.  While I feel that there is enough proof of religion easing some aspect of the human condition to make the blind following of it understandable to those who have not the urge or desire to question it, I still feel that nothing I have heard so far has been enough to prove to me, the existence of a “divine” being of any sort, whatsoever.

Several other humans I know are religious, some are gnostic, (which literally means “knowing”; – they feel there is some higher power but cannot be certain who or what it is,) and many are agnostic, (by this, I mean “unknowing”; – they are de facto atheists because they are uncertain about the existence of a deity, and therefore they do not believe in one, but remain open.)  Some of these people may feel uncomfortable about my position as an unbeliever, but they respect my position as I respect theirs.

It should be noted at this point that, I don’t respect my friends’ opinion because I respect everyone’s opinion indiscriminately.  I respect their opinion because I value their friendship, loyalty and intellect.  There are many people in the world, and I, personally, don’t give a damn about most of their opinions.  They can keep them to themselves, unless I request the opinion from them for any purpose.

My bottom line is, while it can be patchy on rare occasions, evolution is a countless quantity of times more logical, sensible and viable than the idea that an un-knowable being which cannot, by “his” own definition – be.  Of course, I am more than aware that much of logic breaks down beyond the collapse of the wave function.  There is still no known quantum mechanical reason to believe that a divine being made the universe and is personally looking out for us over-clocked monkeys in shoes.

Before anyone of you jumps in and says that lack of complete evidence against, proves that God is real, masses of evidence against, based on the limits of our current understanding is not a lack thereof.  Also, given that there is no good evidence for your argument what-so-fucking-ever, means that my argument dramatically outweighs yours.

Anyway, I am not staging an entire theoretical argument by myself, and regardless, your opinions are not facts.  That is why they are called opinions.

I will end on a quote from Ricky Gervais:

“It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us [atheists]. It should be: ‘You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?’ I could tell you I’ve got superpowers. But I can’t go up to people saying ‘Prove I can’t fly.’ They’d go: ‘What do you mean ‘Prove you can’t fly’? Prove you can!”

 


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