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Der Gothmann: The Humanoid Boogie

It's full of Humanoid Rock'n'Roll.

Category Archives: 1: Weekly Posts

The Humanoid Boogie has been re-instated and given a makeover.

The link to the new blog can be found below:

The Humanoid Boogie

Have fun all you lucky people.


You will all be pleased to know that I will soon be making a return to this God-forsaken blog.  That is an order.

Yes. I have gone retro on your asses.


Well, well.  It seems that all you nay-sayers were wrong!

All right, all right.  I don’t have enough readers to warrant a comment like that.  I think you buggers have clearly been lax in the act of spreading the word.

New writing will begin slowly, but I imagine things will pick up the pace, so watch this space.

Things are returning back to anything-but-normal.


Who here has been watching Misfits on the television?

Watch this program. Do it. There is no excuse.

Undoubtedly, the best example of what would happen to real people if involved in a collision with super-powers.  Let us face the facts.  If you were involved in a magical accident that left you with an unusual superpower, you would, invariably, use it to be a dick to the people you hate.

Telekenisis?  I would psychically throw a nun into a moving truck.

Super-strength?  I would physically throw a nun into a moving truck.

Invisibility?  Sneak up and punch a nun into a moving truck.

All this really amounts to is, people trying to be more polite, in case of mystical repercussions, and a great many more nun pavlovas.  In fact, this is a marvellous solution to the problem with religion.  Give human beings magical super-powers!  People wouldn’t have the time to fear divine retribution, for fear of immediate, magical human retribution.

I certainly know of one or two ex-partners I would be happy to punish in excruciatingly embarrassing ways.

I wonder who amongst us would really use their powers to make changes for the better in the world?

To be honest, I would, but not selflessly and not singularly.

For example, I may well sneak into the houses of our “lords and masters” and slaughter them with glee.  I may also rob a security van as was depicted in the show to support my retributive murder.

Seriously, the ability to render myself invisible at will would prompt some serious execution.

As Cameron and Obama are nothing but useless figureheads, they might as well live in fear, but live.  They can seve to warn people.  Definitely going to waste the Bilderberg party, their pseudo-communist plan for the world serves to frighten the bejesus out of anyone with the sense to see it.

As there is no force of law anyone is willing to enact upon the state, we would have to resort to the old will-to-power scenario.

I think that super-powers are the best way to move forward on the front of international revolution.

Such a shame, is it, that we are unable to acquire said abilities.  As it stands, it looks as though we must exert our will-to-power coups in a distinctly vulnerable and human way.

Come on people, can’t we just take up arms and smash the absurd paradigms of this evil establishment?

I will give you free cookies if you help – yes?

Oh, arsebiscuits…

Back to fantasies of superpowers, and secret, style stealthy murder… Thief II style.


Yes, I said Thief.

Fuck you Hitman.

Fuck you good.



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Back to bloody, bloody paranoia about snow again.


Has anyone seen “Dead Snow“?


A couple of days ago, the snow came down.  It came down like the Berlin wall.

My partner and I were babysitting, and I thought it would be a nice idea if we had fish and chips for dinner, once the smaller humans had gone to sleep.  I left the house to get supper, and the roads were clear.  When I returned, there was over three inches of light snow covering the road like an overexcited infant had rushed through plastering everything in paper mache.  The thing is, the chip shop was next door to the house we were staying in, and I was only absent for fifteen minutes.

I had nearly an inch of snow settling on the top of my hat on the thirty-second walk back.

Last time there was a heavy snow here, in the UK, nation-wide weather warnings and paranoid news readings puffed at us about how very dangerous it was out there.  There were even some risible CCTV clips on the news, depicting some hapless people slipping over and hurting themselves just to emphasise to the silly people out there in the world that you can hurt yourself if you don’t watch what you’re doing.

I’m sure we are aware of that fact.  Thank-you for your implied concern, but as foolish as the population is when it comes to things like politics and when not to put your faith in an institution which is decidedly intent on removing the “money” from your bank account, surely we have enough common sense left to work out that when there is snow and ice on the street, caution must be taken to prevent injury?

Oh, and don’t forget to wrap up warm this winter!

How else are we meant to stave off the effects of the freezing cold anyway?  Stay indoors, but rather than put the heating on, wear a jumper or build a fire, (in the fireplace, I may add;  fire is dangerous too, you see,) we should writhe around naked on the floor, like an orgy of knobbly, pink snakes to keep our body heat in?


The more you decide you should spell things out for people, the less likely they are to think for themselves!  Why is the world always waiting for someone in the “government” to tell them what to do?  Take some initiative for once!

To some, this may feel like I’m stating the obvious, but I know so many people to whom “common sense” means very little.  These are the same stamp of people who think that “irony” means “sort-of-like iron”.

We know what snow and ice portends.  We know that driving without care in sub-zero conditions can be lethal.  Those who genuinely haven’t got a clue probably shouldn’t be allowed to hang around in the gene-pool anyway.


You know what?

After a little time spent thinking about it, the concept of writhing about with a whole bunch of naked people, having an orgy for warmth and survival is starting to have an increasing appeal for me…



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I have a serious gripe.

What the fuck do you mean; "Invalid quantum process, cannot integrate the matrix manifold"!?

This week’s belated post was going to cover the subject of musical emotional impact and why modern “pop” is constructed from electronically solidified wank.

Now, I have a much more pressing hatred; one, to which, all of you have doubtlessly been subject.

While typing up my post on WordPress, you see, I reached for the ever-handy “Save Draft” button and gave it a click. While the little twirly doughnut, (the Windows 7 equivalent of the 90’s computer “egg timer“,) did it’s thing, I was mysteriously logged out of my dashboard, and presented with a demand that I log back in.  Upon doing so, I searched frantically for my saved draft, only to discover that it had been mangled and half destroyed by WordPress.  The most aggravating particular of which being, the last seven or eight times I “saved my progress” had been ignored and/or overruled, and it was suddenly as though I had not written more than half a sodding paragraph!

It should be noted at this point, that I do not respond well to a computer failure.  I start by bashing my hands on the flat of my laptop or my desk.  A low, visceral growl often follows and is topped off by a scream as I lead on, into shouting at the screen while frothing, uncontrollably, at the mouth.

By this point, one of my eyes has started to rotate gently in its socket and the blood vessels on my temple swell promptly, in a pattern – somewhat resembling the mark of Cain.

Many of my friends will probably fall over themselves to testify to this, and describe it in detail, or perhaps with more than a little anecdotal creativity.

I have a theory concerning computer rage.  I believe that a computer’s ability to appear sentient causes us to form a strange emotional attachment to it.  When it inevitably “misbehaves”, we feel the unquenchable urge to reprimand it for its foolishness.  It is only when this urge arises, that we remember that the machine is not a sentient being, and become aggravated with it for tricking us into caring.

By the way, whomsoever deems this an appropriate opportunity to appraise me of the marvellous benefits of a Macintosh over a Windows PC, shall be required – by me – to promptly carve the words: “shut the fuck up” into their faces with the sharp corners of their own motherboard.



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So, there I was, digging up some research on the biological, evolutionary origins of human creativity for my dissertation, and yet, another misdirecting link on Google led me away to yet, another “creation science” site.

Click on the image to enlarge it if necessary.

“Blergh!” Say I. “Blergh!”

Who are these imbeciles?  Why are people like this, allowed by the general populace to run free, and without the threat of extinction from a fitter class of human being?

Now, I will admit that Darwinism has a couple of grey areas that we have not yet discovered the answer to, but these people’s hypotheses are made of huge, ragged holes!

It seems that their method for arriving at an hypothesis involves announcing to the team: “Here is the conclusion we want, what scientific discoveries can we hammer together to prop it up?”

The dinosaurs were created by God at the same time as all the other beasts?  There is not a single shred of vaguely palatable proof that this is even a possibility!  Oh, and what is all this utter tripe about the eye being too complex to have evolved of its own accord?


I chose this video specifically, because it is fairly simple for certain individuals to understand.

Anyway, if you are going to use that tack, why do we have an appendix, I ask you?

Now, I am aware that many people hold up some form of religious ideal or other.  While I feel that there is enough proof of religion easing some aspect of the human condition to make the blind following of it understandable to those who have not the urge or desire to question it, I still feel that nothing I have heard so far has been enough to prove to me, the existence of a “divine” being of any sort, whatsoever.

Several other humans I know are religious, some are gnostic, (which literally means “knowing”; – they feel there is some higher power but cannot be certain who or what it is,) and many are agnostic, (by this, I mean “unknowing”; – they are de facto atheists because they are uncertain about the existence of a deity, and therefore they do not believe in one, but remain open.)  Some of these people may feel uncomfortable about my position as an unbeliever, but they respect my position as I respect theirs.

It should be noted at this point that, I don’t respect my friends’ opinion because I respect everyone’s opinion indiscriminately.  I respect their opinion because I value their friendship, loyalty and intellect.  There are many people in the world, and I, personally, don’t give a damn about most of their opinions.  They can keep them to themselves, unless I request the opinion from them for any purpose.

My bottom line is, while it can be patchy on rare occasions, evolution is a countless quantity of times more logical, sensible and viable than the idea that an un-knowable being which cannot, by “his” own definition – be.  Of course, I am more than aware that much of logic breaks down beyond the collapse of the wave function.  There is still no known quantum mechanical reason to believe that a divine being made the universe and is personally looking out for us over-clocked monkeys in shoes.

Before anyone of you jumps in and says that lack of complete evidence against, proves that God is real, masses of evidence against, based on the limits of our current understanding is not a lack thereof.  Also, given that there is no good evidence for your argument what-so-fucking-ever, means that my argument dramatically outweighs yours.

Anyway, I am not staging an entire theoretical argument by myself, and regardless, your opinions are not facts.  That is why they are called opinions.

I will end on a quote from Ricky Gervais:

“It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us [atheists]. It should be: ‘You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?’ I could tell you I’ve got superpowers. But I can’t go up to people saying ‘Prove I can’t fly.’ They’d go: ‘What do you mean ‘Prove you can’t fly’? Prove you can!”


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The "Homo Newporticus" in their natural habitat.

Has anybody noticed the horrifying specimens of humanity who exist in the world?

Seriously, about fifteen minutes bike-ride from the town I live in, is Newport, one of the least pleasant cities in the UK. In this city, there is a bus depot where one can be verbally abused – at any time of day one chooses – by dirty, stinking, unintelligent dole parasites. They spit, piss up the walls, smoke their glass-cut amphetamines, talk vacuous shit and shout obscenities at anyone they feel like. You can often be greeted by this as you get off the bus, and, if you depart four or five hours later, you will find the same creatures, in the same spot, doing exactly the same bloody thing.

Why, people?

Why do we force ourselves to suffer such disgusting examples of human refuse?

I’m not talking about people who have fallen from grace and are sick, poor and dying because all the help they should be getting is given to wastrels and degenerate ingrates. I am not talking about the quiet immigrants who come to this country with every intention of working as hard as they need to for what they have, and don’t complain that the culture they have entered is not similar enough to their own. I mean the kind of poisonous fuckheads who feel this absurd sense of entitlement to do whatever the hell they want, (and not do whatever the hell they want,) don’t practice personal hygiene and go out of their way to offend anyone they feel like offending.

Why do we tolerate them?

Can anyone tell me?

Is there any other sensible option but to have them sterilised? There is a term I like to use when describing these individuals, and that term is untermenschen.

The word literally means “under-human”, and is apposite, in my opinion, as a collective term for the whole subset. “Untermensch”, coined by the American author Lothrop Stoddard in 1922, meaning:

The man who measures under the standards of capacity and adaptability imposed by the social order in which he lives.”

It is not, as some may ascribe it, a Nietzscheian term, (like übermenschen.) Nietzsche used it once or twice after it was created, but it is more commonly associated with the Nazis when they described the Jews, the Gypsies, the Slavs, etc.

[By the way, if anyone reads this and decides to start openly comparing me to Hitler, or the Nazis in general, I will be forced to have my special-police hunt them down and execute them.]

The title of the post comes from an idea a friend of mine had to compile a “scrap book” of the local wildlife and labelling it “Homo Newporticus” after the order Homonidae, (of which humans belong,) and the nearby city I mentioned earlier.

Homo sapiens is about our only birthright.  Human being should be proven.

These horrible little shit boxes are opting to drop out of humanity by displaying no propensity for it.

I find it a depressing thought that sometimes, I have great ideas, and beards aren’t in fashion.  If they were in fashion, I would stand a much better chance of being elected to rule the country, and I would rule it with an iron fist.  Then the world had better watch out, oh yes.

On second thought, maybe those of you who would compare me to Herr Hitler were on to something…


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